The Divorce Trip

Mt ex-husband and I planned a trip with friend to do a backcountry hiking trip in Zion National Park. The trip was May 2016. Shortly before the trip, we had the big talk about getting divorced. We both were on the same page. I brought up how our relationship didn’t feel right anymore and he brought up divorce. It was friendly and loving and sad. We were both grieving but slightly lighter after the talk. We decided to still go on the trip and talk about divorce when we got back. We still shared a bed, at home and on the trip, and acted like our usual. Our friends thought we were nuts but I know we did everything the best we could.

I went on the trip knowing my grandfather wasn’t doing well. I brought a solar batter back for my phone in case my family had to call me. My grandfather died while I was away and my father called me the morning I got home. Everything changed after that. My ex and I still did our best, but I was desperate to get out of my life.

It was a beautiful trip and still very hard. I fell behind and screamed, “You assholes left me here!” My husband was at least a half mile ahead of me. He heard me and came back crying. I was on a vision quest and not my usual self, whatever that was. He wanted to be alone. He was grieving in the backcountry. I was losing myself.

Photo story:

I carried this pine cone for the last five miles of trudging up a hill, in sand, at Zion National Park. I think I left my body on a vision quest and this pine cone gave me life energy. 2016